The First Day

May 21, 2011

Yesterday was tough, but we muddled through. No hysterics, but frequent shouts of ‘Someone needs to hug me now!’ My whole family and my best friend Rosie are here and are looking after me.

My Dad started the phone calls at 9am – by 10am we had the funeral directors, the crematorium and the church booked. Then we had to go and pick up the paperwork from the hospice which was fine, people were lovely and seemed genuinely sorry about Andy – he had been charming everyone left right and centre so not surprising!

The funeral directors was a bit harder, I had to sign a load of stuff, but she was really nice which made it a lot easier. As to Andy’s wishes we chose a very unfussy coffin. (‘Don’t put me in an expensive coffin Ses, such a waste of money!’ They’re all expensive darling, but that’s ok!)

We gave them his biking clothes for him to wear – including the bunny ears and his “stealth rubber” shoes, still covered in mud from his last rides.

Registering the death was much the same – forms, practicalities. I proudly put myself down as ‘homemaker’ on the form – because that was my job, to make his home. And he loved our little home, despite the yarn I kept filling it with. Whenever someone admired a blanket or cushion or picture I’d made he’d puff up and proudly say ‘Ses did that!’ and then precede to bore them with talk about crochet or weaving or sewing!

After that was over Andy’s parents went back to Enfield and my parentals and I came home. I couldn’t really think of anything to do so I bought a load of bedding plants and went to work with Rosie and Mary digging over the front bed, putting a border in and planting it up. Still got more plants and summer bulbs to go in today, and then Kat & Matt are coming to help me chop down more stuff in the back. It was really good to help focus me and tired me out enough that by 10pm I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

Had to sort out the car insurance yesterday as I needed to put my parents on it. So I rang them up and explained what had happened, and they cancelled Andy’s policy and started me on my own. At first, despite giving me Andy’s no claims and another discount because I’d been messing around doing quotes for different cars on their website, it was still going to be £945. Which is fair enough, I’m young and it’s a big car. But then I added my parents on – and because of their age and experience and a Royal Navy discount, it brought it down to £687. I practically told the guy I loved him. Though he did say ‘right, marital status, single I guess?’ and I screamed ‘WIDOWED!’ down the phone.

I’m going to start calling myself ‘The Dowager Mrs Andrew Hill.’  pffft



  1. Ses, although I haven’t seen you since SS a good few years back I randomly stumbled on this blog through Facebook a while back and have been following since. So sorry for your loss, just wanted to let you know that I’m praying for you and your families daily – I can’t begin to imagine what you’re feeling.


  2. We’ve often said how strong you are Ses, and I’m very proud and impressed with your faith and willpower. I think focusing on “other things” like gardening is the right thing to do. All of our thoughts are with you and, as always, if there’s anything I, or any of us, can do for you, of course just ask. Keeping this blog updated with your progress helps keep us in touch with how you are doing, and it’s important to us, so many thanks.

    Much love, Matt

  3. Thank you for keeping us updated – we’re praying for you and will carry on.
    Have you heard of the WAY Foundation – Widowed and Young? One of my friends found it helpful.

  4. Such strange days, after a death. They are days never forgotten; bursts of creativity, found in planting flowers, whilst carrying the exhaustive experience of grieving. I say go with the flow and let God lead you.

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